High school students nowadays tend to try to be controlled well and live far
from anxiety and lonliness.
When I was young, twenty years ago, we used to cut classes to get pizza and noodles.
This is what happened.
About ten of us dashed through the school gate just like the movie The Great Escape" toward a pizza stand.
There lived an old couple.
Their faces were so impressive to me that I can still remember them easily.
They ran the pizza stand and lived a happy life.
I thought we made a perfect escape and was enjoyiing the long long lunch break we made up voluntarily.
One of us who was enjoing a sigarret after lunch turned pale.
The security guard near the front gate reported our escape to the students life guidance department.
Everybody got tensed.
You can tell what a person really is like by the act in this kind of emmergency.
One began something like a dance to drive away the smoke, and another took pose to take a initiative.
Then, what about me? I kept eating.
I thought I should eat everything served and this emergency might bring a heartattack to the old couple.
I tried to keep as calm as possible by doing something I was used to doing.
But this seemed to offend the teachers.
What are you eating?" shouted one of the teachers.
They confiscated all the sigarrets and interrupted our pizza lunch. The confistcation of sigarrets were based on our law so I would not blame them.
But they did not have to say to the old couple over their shoulders, Never let them eat here."
Many teachers were joining this incident and finally, they gave each of us a punch and concluded it.
In spite of this incident, we kept eating at the pizza stand. We got hungry anytway and was worried about the living of the couple.
Or rather we wanted to enjoy the feeling that we were not yielding to authority.
I could not take my problems to teachers because I had been a black sheep.
I tried to look like doing all right and decided everything by myself.
I was not mature enough to trust myself but tried not to show this uncertainty.
Now I am a high school teacher and enjoy my life with my students. At that time, I was not only breaking rules but also I was fighting to grasp something in the anxiety behind self decision and bluff.
Each of us matured ourselves while hiding anxiety.
These days, young people are cheerful, and have no secret. They are educated to tell everything to their friends and their teachers.
In a jangle of a small island in Thailand, I was enjoying being by myself.
There was someone knocking at the door very loud.
There was a Finish girl standing.
She said that her boyfriend was fighting with someone at the bar where there were only a couple of tables under coconut trees.
Her boyfriend was involved in augument because of a very little misunderstanding with other guests.
According to her report, his finger was broken and his eyes were pricked with fingers and she didn't know where they had took him.
Then I took my shirt and left to help him right away.
I looked for him for a while and found him sitting on the stairs of his cottage.
I wondered what really had happened and checked out his finger which had been supposed to be broken and his eyes which had been supposed to be pricked.
But surprisingly enough, he was perfectly all right.
It is not that she told a lie.
She told me honestly what she thought she had seen in the terror since what she wanted to tell me most was this terror.
She shares the same characteristics with the cheerful young people who can't have secrets.
Both express their burden and anxieties freely and tried to escape from the anxieties.
It is one way to make themselves feel easy but won't be a good way to grown up themselves mentally and physically.
When I was young, adults and high school students were thought to be on equal terms.
That put us in the situation where we had to stand independently.
It was hard but good for us.
It is unfortunate for the present high school students not to confront themselves.